Hello. You are here. YOU ARE HERE, I SAID! And now that you're here, I must warn you: I’ve prepared myself to get real with you. This isn’t your average fashion or lifestyle blog post, this is about LIFE and how we're getting through this together. This will basically be the adult version of a sabby Xanga post. You are here. So be here with me.
My hands were trembling & my heart was racing, the voice in my head was questioning everything. I asked myself over and over, “how could this possibly be true?” It was a sickening feeling, like I was about to throw up my feelings. Who is with me on this? I hope someone can relate with me here because this was me last week in my apartment, panicked in the middle of San Francisco.
Let me backtrack a little and rewind to 9 months ago. I was in an unhealthy relationship. I thought he was “the one” for me and those feelings that I was just describing to you, I felt that on more than one occasion. Actually the feeling has appeared at least 4 times in my life and it’s deadening, if not, completing irksome. But here I am with you, still breathing. After a difficult summer of never wanting to wake up I decided I wanted to run. Not physically run like Forest Gump because I'm not a strong runner, however, you should come support me run a half marathon at the OKC memorial marathon this April because you really don't want to miss out on me crawling to the finishing line… Anyways, so I ran. I ran away to SF without confronting my feelings, never wanting to deal with them again.
When I was in OKC, my heart was full of pain and remorse... But as my time in OKC drew closer to an end, I started to regret my decision to move away. I still remember driving around the city listening to "Keep Your Head Up" by Ben Howard, reflecting on friendships and just about everything that kept me sane in OKC. Then it happened, my last day arrived on January 1st. So I walked around OKC saying goodbye, not only to friends but to the city that held my heart when I was at my lowest.
Now, I am here and so are you. It is very possible that you're also at this point in your life with me, where waking up is super hard and going to bed at night is even harder than getting up at 5 A.M to go to work hungover. I'm telling you this because I've experienced it before and have one important thing to say in conclusion to your time here with me: TO HELL WITH THE MEN WHO LEAD YOU ON. You do not deserve to have a restless feeling restricting you from living your life. Go do something that makes you so happy, that gives you the kind of joy you can feel in your bones. You’ll get through this because this is your life. You're going to get crushed at least ten more times in your life. But don't depend on others to fulfill your happiness. Rely on yourself, because at the end of the day, Nothing in this galaxy will complete you. So don't let the men who don’t matter define you because you are strong, and you are important. Don't let a guy ruin your mission on earth. Your mission to be strong not only for yourself, but for your friends, family, & for God's purpose for you.. When the voices in your head lie about how truly strong you are just remember... "Keep Your Head up, Keep Your Heart Strong, Keep Your Mind Set, Keep Your Hair Long." DON'T GIVE UP. Wear black if you have to, be a boss ass bitch that you are. Don't let your feelings dictate who you are! You will be OK, and I am here with you. From girl boss to girl boss.
Shout out to Khoa for these photos!